I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize