quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
