I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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