I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
