i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
