this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
