weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
