i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
