WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
