did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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