TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
