Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
