You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
