Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
