i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
