we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
