We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
