I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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