I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
