That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
