Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
