Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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