I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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