Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
