Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When are your genitals available?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
