i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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