i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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