WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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