Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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