Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
