Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
