He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
