you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
