she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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