She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
