I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
