i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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