The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
