please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
