Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
