you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
