carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
