Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize