But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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