You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
