Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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