I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
