How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
