and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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