so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
