my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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