You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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