She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
