i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
