hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
