I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
