Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
