Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize