Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
