Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
