Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
high people should be assigned attendants
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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