he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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