Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This house was built for laser tag.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
