The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
