I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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