i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
