If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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