I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
