I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
